Sometimes, I feel like I'm in high school again. My senior year is ending, all of my friends are staying, making plans together and I'm leaving by myself. We're all going our separate ways, but my way is the most separate.
Sometimes, I long for an earlier time. One before high school. One when I could stay home all day long with my mommy to craft and watch movies.
On days like today, I feel like the world around me is changing uncontrollably and I hate that I feel like it's going to keep changing without me. Because it is. I feel like I'm stuck. Today, I feel like the next six months of my life are going to be practically pointless.
On days like today, I have to put things into perspective-eternally.
My friends are staying. They're making plans together and I am leaving by myself. We're all going our separate ways and my way is the most separate.
BUT..
In the same way that moving to Logan to go to Utah State by myself was the greatest thing that I ever decided to do, serving the Lord for 1.5 years is going to be an experience that I need. It's going to be an experience that so many people are not fortunate enough to have the opportunity to experience. I have been given this marvelous opportunity and I am going to be so selfish and I am going to take it!
My choice to serve a mission IS the greatest choice that I have made up to this point in my life.
It's okay that everything that I leave behind is going to change because I'm going to change too.
And it's going to be so wonderful.
Sometimes, I forget how happy I know this is going to make me. I forget how I felt when that wonderful announcement was made. Sometimes, I forget about the blessings that I can offer to so many strangers somewhere on this earth. I forget about the blessings that my mission will bring to my family, even my future family.
On days like today, I'm thankful for my mom. She helps me to look more at the eternal perspective. She promises me a Christmas break filled with crafts and movies and shopping, and she promises me that everything is going to be okay. She tells me how proud of me she is. She reminds me of the crazy things that I have accomplished and she reminds me of the potential I have to continue to accomplish amazing things because my Heavenly Father has given me that potential and because He loves me.
Today, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and He is proud of me. I'm grateful for his sense of humor and for the ways that He lets me know He's there. I love him. I want to jump on a jet plane RIGHT NOW and I want to go and thrash a nation somewhere and teach them the gospel.
However, I know, and He knows that there is SOMETHING that I need to accomplish in the next six months. It's hard to wait sometimes and sometimes I wonder if there really is something that needs to be done or if I am just wasting time. Maybe I'm the only person who will be able to teach some poor physics student how to build a roller coaster with a marble or maybe I just need to stay to be a bridesmaid for my best friend's wedding or maybe I just need a little more preparation. Whatever it is, I'm here for six more long months and that's okay.
Because I am changing and changing is good. I will keep changing and I will keep learning, because that is also good.
God is good. He is good to me and I want to be good to Him.
Sometimes life is hard but, if we let Him lead us, He will change our life and it will always be good.
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Today, I found the church's website for sister missionary preparation. It's fabulous.
They talk about clothing here. AND they have makeup tips here! Also, there are lots of other fun things to read about and to look at. I spent a good hour browsing this part of the website.
Why is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints so great? I'm a super lucky girl and I'm super excited to be able to wear cute clothes on my mission that I am also super excited about! :)
2 comments:
Love it! I like it when you blog... Lets me see into your mind and how you are thinking!! So keep it up gurl, you are a fabulous writer :)
You are amazing! You will grow so much and learn so many 'life' lessons and you will be so grateful in the end...and I want to come craft and cook over Christmas break too!!! Give your momma a hug for me!!!
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